liam’s half birthday was yesterday, figured now is as good a time as any to recap and share what i’ve learned in my short time as a dad.
1. you’ll never finish a meal in one setting ever again and even the idea of warm food is almost laughable. furthermore, you’ll really stop caring about what things taste like or how unhealthy they are. if you can eat it quickly and it fits in your mouth you will make a meal of it, even if it means eating chic-fil-a twice in one day (guilty).
2. people with no kids look up at you now. people with two kids still look down on you and patronize how difficult it is having one child.
3. your sweats will become the most important element of clothing you own AND you’ll now refer to jeans and a hoodie as an ensemble.
4. you will gain weight. i gained ten pounds, all of it in back and belly fat (see chic-fil-a).
5. you won’t work out. you will once the first week and then never again. you might have time to every few weeks, but will spend that time crying yourself to sleep because you’re so exhausted.
6. you stop caring about how late or early you’re awake. you push past caring and enter into a strange world of passive submission when you see the clock read “5:45 am” and think “yeah, i might as well get up, seeing as how i’ve already been asleep for almost two hours.”
7. you don’t read the books. you own them all, nice people have given them to you, but you don’t read them. you just google: “how much poop is too much poop” and cry your way through the sites that pull up.
8. before kids, if someone had barfed on your clothes you would change, no question. nowadays, i access how much barf has been barfed on me and have been known to just leave it to dry and keep wearing it.
9. i have an incredibly, supportive wife and we are raising liam together. not a day goes by that i don’t think about how hard raising kids would be for single moms. i have so much respect for single moms. i want to buy you all flowers and clean your house. i’m not just talking about the emotional energy required to be everything for child, but the sheer work load of it all, the chores, the feedings, the being on-call all the time, the chores…seriously i am awed.
10. having a puppy and a baby at the same time is pretty hilarious. it’s also your way of saying to the universe that you’re okay never having sex ever again.
11. support is a huge deal. the friends and family we have are incredible and have made this process enjoyable. we couldn’t do it without them.
six months.
