be a dear and call the paramedics...

"BLACK: night my ella died i went to a cardhouse and got drunk. laid in my own vomit. that’s..."

Thu, 24 Dec 2009 16:13:48 -0700

“BLACK: night my ella died i went to a cardhouse and got drunk. laid in my own vomit. that’s what i thought of the hand of the Lord. lay dead drunk in ye own vomit like a dog. i ain’t proud of it, but i give up lyin same as i done drinkin.
ROBERT: what did it get ye?
BLACK: what get me?
ROBERT: what did it get ye? to quit drinkin and lyin.
BLACK: it ain’t what it got me. it’s what it got me from.
ROBERT: and what was that?
BLACK: death. i seen his face. i know where he uses. how he loves the unready.
ROBERT: he loves us all.”

- cormac mccarthy, the gardener’s son screenplay

part 2

Wed, 23 Dec 2009 12:58:01 -0700

part 2

so this is my office after a tornado of christmas cheer hit it...

Wed, 23 Dec 2009 12:56:00 -0700

so this is my office after a tornado of christmas cheer hit it late last night…yay.

“i bet chad’s going to be so happy that someone loves him this much.” - chase white

cooties.

Tue, 22 Dec 2009 21:51:04 -0700

jamie and blake talking at dinner tonight:
chase: ew, i don’t want to eat with sara’s spoon.
jamie: since when have you been afraid of germs?
chase: cooties.
jamie: what kind?
chase: (while circling his chest): nipple cooties.
jamie: where do you get those?
chase: from God. the worst kind of cooties are nipple cooties. you get those from God.

award.

Mon, 21 Dec 2009 19:28:00 -0700

the ap gave out their athlete of the year award today. to a nascar driver. buckle up for a rant. you saw this coming.

jimmy johnson. driver. racer. winner. athlete? as in one who does things athletically with their bodies that the rest of us can’t do?

i don’t like nascar (i went to college), but i know it’s popular. whether you like it or not, you cannot call jimmy johnson an athlete. popular? sadly, yes. but since when did being able to sit in a car without peeing and turning to the right for six hours become a feat of athleticism? quite simply, it’s not. it’s not even close. it might be admirable on some parallel universe (i.e. the south), but it’s not athletic. since you don’t have to be an athlete anymore to get an athletic award, here are some other athletes i think deserve consideration this year.

ups drivers. they do the real driving. they don’t have 15 people helping them deliver during christmas and they definitely don’t rack up millions of dollars a year.

moms. moms do all kinds of crazy stuff. they frequently go hours without peeing and if their children are in soccer they can frequently spend more hours in a car than a nascar driver. also no millions.

soccer players. lionel messi won the fifa world player of the year award for leading barcelona to a record six trophies in 2009. trains everyday, lifts all the time, runs on average 7 miles per game, scored 37 goals in all competitions this year while also helping argentina qualify for the world cup. i’ll i’m saying is that he’s actually an athlete - you know, one who does athletic things. and soccer players in general, pretty athletic. we can’t do what they do.

smart people. scientists and engineers who BUILT jimmy johnson’s nascar car so that it’s so badass he can’t lose. how about some love for those people? i guarantee they’ve spent more long hours pouring over data, making adjustments and doing sciencey things that the rest of us can’t do.

why i’m really frustrated though is that this in addition to the ap athlete of the decade award to tiger woods accurately sums up america right now. nascar and home wreckers - we love ‘em, let’s reward them with popularity, millions of dollars and accolades all while watching our country undo itself from within. i’m moving abroad.

fever.

Fri, 18 Dec 2009 23:05:08 -0700

i have baby fever. there. i said it. for the first time in my life i have baby fever. bring it.

"- a mother pregnant before even married - a father who almost broke off the engagement - parents who..."

Thu, 17 Dec 2009 14:25:44 -0700

“

- a mother pregnant before even married
- a father who almost broke off the engagement
- parents who make their decisions based on angel dreams
- a cousin born of the elderly
- a birth in an animal barn
- adoration from astrologers
- a birth that prompts the murder of hundreds of other infants

the truth is this: Jesus experienced rough stuff before the age of five in ways you and i could never imagine. we consider Christ’s sufferings and we picture him at the age of thirty-three, but the beatings go all the way back to the birth canal.

”

- mark steele, christianish

tiger.

Wed, 16 Dec 2009 20:18:39 -0700

this is a really difficult post to post, but after talking this through with emily and lawrence i’ve agreed with them that this will be the best thing in time.

the following is a text dialogue between myself and tiger woods from a few years ago:

tiger: hey grrl, what you up to?
me: i’m a boy. who is this? how did you get this number?
tiger: i just pushed some numbers. are you hot? you sound hot.
me: well i’m a guy and i don’t even know you.
tiger: send me a sexy pic. now bi***.
me: what?
tiger: come on baby, just be cool. i’m tiger woods.
me: like tiger the famous golfer? no way. okay give me a sec.

this has been a really difficult season for all of us, especially for tiger. i’d like to ask the world to just give him a break because he’s a really good person and a super role model. this is all just a big misunderstanding. also i’m super thrilled that the ap gave tiger the athlete of the decade award. this is what the kids need to see right now: a hero who has worked hard to achieve success and gets rewarded with fancy awards regardless of his alleged performance enhancing drug abuse and his alleged 14 mistresses and alleged creepiness (wait that’s not alleged, he is creepy). wait didn’t we impeach someone for this?

top records.

Tue, 15 Dec 2009 23:11:00 -0700

top 2009 albums, in no particular order (i won’t put a bunch of fancy links and photos in here, but i will play fast and loose with the bold and italics).

jay-z - blueprint 3. top album of the year. listen to all of it.

aa bondy - when the devil’s loose. if you aren’t on to aa bondy yet, stop reading and correct the sadness of your life. correct it, ironically, with sad music.

pete yorn & scarlett johansson - break up. this album is as good as scarlett is unattainably beautiful. it’s as good as zooey deschanel is unattainably beautiful. sorry i’m getting off track here…seriously so great. listen to: relator.

passion pit - manners. guilty pleasure. no problem admitting it though. listen to: little secrets.

n.a.s.a. - spirit of apollo. great dj nonsense with guests like santogold, lykke li, kanye, the cool kids, karen o and more. great to run to at the gym. listen to: gifted (featuring kanye, santogold and lykke li).

doom - born like this. i don’t have too much to write about here, just a very solid effort from everyone’s favorite super villain-themed, masked rapper. listen to: gazillion ear.

the avett brothers - i and love and you. i love this band. this isn’t their best album, but solid enough to make this list. listen to: january wedding (sara’s favorite).

honorable mentions:
natalia lafourcade - hu hu hu (this would be on my list, but i already put one guilty pleasure)
lily allen - it’s not me, it’s you
mew - the one with the ridiculously long title
andrew bird - noble beast (this is a great album, but not as great as his usual)
surrogate - popular mechanics

what did you listen to this year? oh also the dark was the night compilation is incredible, it should get some praise here.

whew.

Sat, 12 Dec 2009 21:39:51 -0700

6 am - woke up and got ready for basketball.
7 am - basketball - i played decent, got in a good workout before anyone else woke up.
9 am - groceries.
9:30 am - got home, the garage door is broke. real broke. we’ve been nursing it for, oh, six years now, and it finally died. super died.
10:30 am - wow whoever is taking a shower is really taking forever. oh wait, that sound of rushing water is actually a broken water line, pouring water into my basement via the walls.

moral of the story: i should have slept in and woke up late like everyone else. at least then i would have been well rested for my three hours of soaking up water from the carpet whole drilling holes into the wall and ceiling to try and find the leak. i know you’re all really hoping for a huge rant right here, but i only like to rant about trivial, nonsensical, minutia that doesn’t mean anything. so this, but not tonight.

high school prom and the crushing reality of reality.

Fri, 04 Dec 2009 23:26:12 -0700

lots of people feel like puking and crying at the gym, but both hit me this morning as i ran my usual (.5 mile of warm-up, 1.5 miles of silently convincing myself that i can do it, .5 miles of envisioning last week’s biggest loser, and 2 miles of begging God to let me skip out on the last 2 miles).

the world cup draw was today. 32 nations watched live as charlize theron and fifa announced the pairings for the world cup finals in south africa in 2010. as the draw played out before me, complete with the soweto gospel choir, nelson mandela and press from all over the world, i felt like a high school kid who was getting asked to prom. a kid being asked to prom who felt like he was going to puke and cry at the same time.

will the prom end up like you want? there’s no way. it won’t work like you want it to. but in that moment, all that matters is that you’re going. and you have the next few weeks or months to dream and convince yourself that maybe, just maybe, it will work out just like you’ve ever dreamed. the real gift of prom is not the actual night; it’s the build up. it’s the knowledge that you are in. it’s the chance to dream and hope and expect things to go just as you’ve always wanted, regardless of how unrealistic and impractical.

that’s what the world cup draw was for me today. the usa’s group ended up being a good one; we stand a good chance to do well. but the real gift is having the next six months to dream, to hope, to envision what it would be like if everything worked out just like i wanted them to. and no one can take that away from me until june 2010.

wave.

Thu, 03 Dec 2009 16:06:21 -0700

google wave is NOT a time travel device. i feel a bit ripped off as wave is, in fact, generally useless to me. it doesn’t even have anything about soccer and as far as i can tell, it doesn’t have facebook. weak. some of this might be my fault for believing the hype, but mostly i blame google for making me believe wave was going to be life-changing.

NEW JOB.

Wed, 02 Dec 2009 22:36:00 -0700

if you read this or know me you know i quit my job a month ago. i chose to leave and when i left i did not have anything lined up for the future, just felt God was asking me to trust him and follow him and not get hung up on trifles like the mortgage, food, gas or the self-esteem men derive from bringing home a paycheck.

i have a job. the beard of unemployment is gone, ushering in the alarm clock of employment (currently set for 7:30 am).

i am the director of the mount, a church for 18-45 year olds who love Jesus but aren’t big fans of tradition and denominational hoo ha. i have had this job for a year now, but it has recently become a full time position. the mount has become the highlight of my week. if i were oprah it would be on my ‘favorite things’ list. also if i were oprah the book club list would be markedly better (did you read the memory keepers daughter? i did and it stunk). sorry, hyperactive. the mount is something i’m very passionate about because by definition, it’s for people who, for whatever reason, are not attracted to the traditional church (for example, ME and almost everyone i know that’s my age and grew up going to a christian church in america). if this sounds like my dream job, keep reading. i’m also the missions coordinator for mt. olympus presbyterian church (the parent church of the mount) and will coordinate their 11 am worship service and handle website design. i even get an office (i painted it purple).

there might some questions and i’ll attempt to answer them here for everyone instead of getting texts for the rest of the week:

Q: is the mount awesome?
A: yes, quite. i already mentioned that. stop skimming. come see if you don’t believe me.

Q: did you have this lined up when you quit?
A; 100 % i did not. as i’ve said from the beginning, God asked me to trust him. looking back it’s crazy, but seeing what God had in mind was so much better than anything i could have lined up on my own in my own strength.

Q: what are you duties as director?
A: i get to preach regularly, lead worship on occasion (at the mount we rotate teaching and worship leading between 4-5 people) and in general, guide the mount congregation (hopefully) toward a closer relationship with Jesus and each other. in 2010 we’ll be launching bible studies, a mission trip and more service opportunities in addition to our weekly worship service.

Q: mt. o is a presbyterian church; wasn’t your last church a southern baptist church?
A: yes it was. a good one. but for some time i’ve struggled with some of the traditions of the southern baptist church. their doctrine is solid, but for example, i don’t believe in war, republican politics, limiting the role of women in the church and at no time have i ever prayed to rush limbaugh. not to say that my former church believed all those things, but traditionally those are southern baptist traditions. and for anyone out there who is confused by my wit: my former church is great and i love them dearly and was blessed by the time i went there and the people who go there.

Q: what’s the mount like?
A: it’s very relaxed, usually starts around 6:45 pm and features worship (led by either myself, paul seevinck, asher and halen seevinck or tim and hope glenn), teaching (taught by the pastor, myself, jamie white, cierra fitz, nicole todd and on occasion, dave white), an intermission for all us hyperactive types, coffee from salt lake roasting co., and about 80-100 people who attend for a variety of reasons, most having something to do with desiring closeness with GOD and depth in a relationship with him through Jesus.

so there you go. my new job. thanks for your support, encouragement and prayers. if you’re curious about the mount, come check it out this sunday - my friend jamie is teaching (what? a woman! yep, it’s incredible) and i’m co-leading worship with cierra fitz (another woman? yep, also incredible). it starts at 6:45 pm and is at 3280 east and 3900 south.

more things.

Wed, 02 Dec 2009 21:38:20 -0700

i’ve been writing them down…more things i’d rather suffer through instead of watching new moon (lady porn).

-watch miami vice the movie.
-watch dane cook be interviewed by bill o’reiley. actually there is no way i could or would watch either of these wonderfully talented, intelligent professionals.
-clip my dogs nails (requires a team of seven people and takes over three hours).
-listen to michael mcdonald sing.
-assemble ikea furniture.
-go to a new jersey nets basketball game.

title.

Wed, 02 Dec 2009 00:15:29 -0700

so after my good cry thanks to biggest loser and a good half-laugh from scrubs: the college years i now have time to rant. i would like to grind the axe more about the trophyheaded qb at b*u, but now that b*u has declared the matter “resolved” i guess i’ll have to pretend it never happened (that is the way things work in utah - “it’s not news unless we say it’s news!”).

so what do i rant on now? i could go crazy on american christianity, but i think i’ll put a little more distance between myself and my old job before i do that (i don’t want anyone reading between the lines unless i’ve artfully led you to read between the lines).

twilight rant? i know you want it. and i am crafting a further list of things i’d rather do than watch new moon…but i’m upstairs and my notepad (yep i write them down when i think of them) is downstairs so that won’t be happening. which leads me to the natural rant about being-up-in-bed-and-having-already-gone-downstairs-exactly-six-times-even-though-you-worked-so-hard-to-grab-everything-in-one-pile-and-would-rather-choke-than-go-downstairs-again rant, but i’m hoping i’m not the only one who dances this dance each night so i shall not rant on that.

i am out of rants for the day. it’s probably because i had a really great day and what i really want to type about is something great and exciting, but i have to hold off for another day until i announce it (and no we are not preggo - it’s not that). but hopefully tomorrow. and that children, is what we call, a teaser.

choose the right.

Mon, 30 Nov 2009 01:27:00 -0700

i have been reading the blogs all day about max hall’s vitriolic diatribe against the university of utah that were made a full hour after saturday’s overtime victory at lavell edwards stadium. lots of blog comments are asking/telling to “leave religion out of it.”

this is unacceptably ridiculous.

max hall attends b*u and is a returned missionary. check.
b*u is a private school founded on the religious principles of the church of jesus christ of latter day saints. check.
among those principles are judeo-christian standards of integrity, good sportsmanship, honor and belief in your common man. check.

religion can’t be left out of it. this is all about religion. when a christian leader or pundit like makes inane, horrific and stereotyped statements they are scrutinized and justly condemned for their words. max hall deserves the same treatment and i absolutely see this as a religious issue because he is an elder of the mormon church.

and a written apology by the sports department of the school? really? max hall is pretty much the poster child for the mormon church and you’re telling me this is the best damage control strategy b*u came up with? this whole issue represents mormonism beyond the campus of b*u. again i implore you lds faith - choose the right. the state of utah is watching. max hall has to take the rap for this otherwise next year at rice-eccles it will get even more out of hand (supposedly utes fans are mean and nasty*). max hall needs to take the fall otherwise this will escalate.

* supposedly, we spend money sneaking beer into the stadium, drinking it and then spewing it out our noses at b*u fans because that feels good on the sinuses and is also a good use of beer. supposedly.

class. less.

Sun, 29 Nov 2009 12:51:56 -0700

“i don’t like utah. in fact, i hate them. i hate everything about them. i hate their program, i hate their fans, i hate everything…i think the whole university, their fans, and their organization is classless…i don’t respect them, and they deserve to lose.” - max hall, winning qb for b*u, after beating utah in overtime

i feel bad for b*u fans. i’d rather lose classy than win like max hall did. i’m embarassed for them, since for the most part, b*u stands for honor, integrity and doing the right thing.

what max said doesn’t represent b*u or mormonism no more than jerry falwell or the 700 club represents Jesus. which as a side note, highlights the frustration any religious group feels when a spokesperson speaks out of line (as a Christ-follower, a pain i’ve felt all too many times - thanks james dobson). but he is a returned-missionary and a student at b*u which means they will have to deal with this.

i don’t want to spread max’s reaction over the entire religion of mormonism, but b*u is the private school for mormonism so in a lot of ways, they’re connected. what b*u decides to do with this will speak volumes about mormon values and belief. will they draw their line in the sand or will religious belief end at the starting gun of whatever sporting event is being opened in prayer?

without intending to, max hall has given mormonism a chance to walk the walk of their values. max hall should be benched or suspended for b*u’s bowl game. that seems to be the only way b*u can salvage their integrity. a forced apology means little considering how severely the school deals with other issues. this is a debacle, a shame and at the same time, a chance for mormonism to belly up to the bar and show utah that what they believe is real and affects the way that they live and act, even on the field.

check.

Thu, 26 Nov 2009 10:22:00 -0700

5k. check. 3.1 miles of nonsense at an ungodly hour surrounded by 3,599 people who were much more excited to be up that early on a holiday morning standing in the sub-freezing weather. but i did it. i am fairly sure i ran quite a bit more than 5 kilometers as i was constantly darting and lunging around small people and small children whose gait is quite a bit shorter than mine.

as i zig-zagged around all the happy runners, i tried to keep it all in perspective. i recognize this is only a tiny marker on the long road to my half-marathon goal of next year, but it felt pretty great. nothing like flying past small children, people pushing strollers and elderly men to help your confidence as a fledgling runner. but in typical fashion, the universe did its part to keep my ego in check. looking back i think the universe could have been a tad more gracious and send a more subtle message but as usual the message was sent with extreme urgency and incredible overkill. a small boy, probably about 6 decided he was going to join the race, albeit on his little 5-year old sized bicycle. and for whatever reason, he chose me to drag off of me and was my little shoulder harpie for the last half of the race, continually reminding me that indeed i was not going fast at all and that what i was accomplishing could easily be done by a boy on a tiny, circus-sized bicycle.

i have a long way to go, but the today is a milestone. a small, circus-sized bicycle milestone. the last race i entered was a 2-mile race when i was in 9th grade and on the track team. i decided, against my coaches strong wishes, to quit the race after 1 and a half laps. of course i stopped on the far side so that by the time my coach (who was standing at the lap line with her stopwatch, eagerly searching the racers for my awkward self) figured out what had happened, it would be too late for her to force me into any more physical exertion. so to finish something i started feels pretty good; not as good as the 2-pounds of turkey, potatoes and sides that i will soon consume, but pretty good.

Video

Wed, 25 Nov 2009 19:54:28 -0700

learning.

Wed, 25 Nov 2009 09:43:06 -0700

having sadie, 6, and georgia, 3, in my house this week has been a learning lesson. their parents do an awesome job and i’m taking notes as best i can. the most shocking revelations thus far center in on how incredibly early children wake up. at 6 this morning, georgia was just sitting in the dead middle of her bed waiting for someone else to wake up. also - dora the explorer is the absolute worse thing in the world.

“lisa turn the wheel…turn the wheel lisa.” i would actually prefer the new moon lady porn over dora the explorer.

oh great, lisa’s turning the wheel…again. oh and yes, as a bonus, in 24 more minutes there’s ANOTHER episode of dora on!