dave and lawrence and i are sitting here on my couch role-playing (i wish i had guts to just left that sentence there) - we’re role-playing for dave’s job interview tomorrow.  one of the inevitable questions we’ve been brain-storming is the strength’s and weaknesses question.  here is a list of weaknesses and strengths that you can use in your next job interview, free of charge.

WEAKNESSES
i’m too humble.
i steal things.
i’m an alcoholic.
i’m a schizophrenic and so am i (never gets old).
i work too hard. 
i’m a biter.
i hate ethnic minorities.
i listed world of warcraft in my “strengths” column.
i go to burning man.
i have a cat.
i’m a tad neurotic and just the teensiest bit psychotic.
i stabbed my last boss.
i have no weaknesses - what are yours?
can you define “weakness?”
i have thinning hair.
i’m bad at pro-wrestling.
gigantic frank, tiny beans.
i can’t read.
i tuck my pants into my socks.
i like t-payne.
i can only bench 225. 

STRENGTHS
i am in the NRA.
i’m a seventh-level wizard in dungeons and dragons.
i don’t sweat. 
three words: animal mind control.
my body is a wonderland.
i met keanu reeves.
i own all the 007 james bond movies. 
i can open a bottle of beer with my teeth.
i’ve never been convicted of DUI in this state.
i can fit over 45 marshmallows in my mouth at once.
i can turn anything into a “that’s what she said” joke.
i voted for mccain/palin.
i can google almost anything.
i can tell the difference between justin beiber and a woman.
i can hold my liquor.
i am UNOFFENDABLE.

so there you go - no need to be in a jam at your next interview - just keep this list handy and you’re good to go.  you won’t get the job, but you will avoid the awkward silence.  leave a comment and add to the list.