“BLACK: night my ella died i went to a cardhouse and got drunk. laid in my own vomit. that’s what i thought of the hand of the Lord. lay dead drunk in ye own vomit like a dog. i ain’t proud of it, but i give up lyin same as i done drinkin.
ROBERT: what did it get ye?
BLACK: what get me?
ROBERT: what did it get ye? to quit drinkin and lyin.
BLACK: it ain’t what it got me. it’s what it got me from.
ROBERT: and what was that?
BLACK: death. i seen his face. i know where he uses. how he loves the unready.
ROBERT: he loves us all.”
— cormac mccarthy, the gardener’s son screenplay
part 2
so this is my office after a tornado of christmas cheer hit it late last night…yay.
“i bet chad’s going to be so happy that someone loves him this much.” - chase white
jamie and blake talking at dinner tonight:
chase: ew, i don’t want to eat with sara’s spoon.
jamie: since when have you been afraid of germs?
chase: cooties.
jamie: what kind?
chase: (while circling his chest): nipple cooties.
jamie: where do you get those?
chase: from God. the worst kind of cooties are nipple cooties. you get those from God.
the ap gave out their athlete of the year award today. to a nascar driver. buckle up for a rant. you saw this coming.
jimmy johnson. driver. racer. winner. athlete? as in one who does things athletically with their bodies that the rest of us can’t do?
i don’t like nascar (i went to college), but i know it’s popular. whether you like it or not, you cannot call jimmy johnson an athlete. popular? sadly, yes. but since when did being able to sit in a car without peeing and turning to the right for six hours become a feat of athleticism? quite simply, it’s not. it’s not even close. it might be admirable on some parallel universe (i.e. the south), but it’s not athletic. since you don’t have to be an athlete anymore to get an athletic award, here are some other athletes i think deserve consideration this year.
ups drivers. they do the real driving. they don’t have 15 people helping them deliver during christmas and they definitely don’t rack up millions of dollars a year.
moms. moms do all kinds of crazy stuff. they frequently go hours without peeing and if their children are in soccer they can frequently spend more hours in a car than a nascar driver. also no millions.
soccer players. lionel messi won the fifa world player of the year award for leading barcelona to a record six trophies in 2009. trains everyday, lifts all the time, runs on average 7 miles per game, scored 37 goals in all competitions this year while also helping argentina qualify for the world cup. i’ll i’m saying is that he’s actually an athlete - you know, one who does athletic things. and soccer players in general, pretty athletic. we can’t do what they do.
smart people. scientists and engineers who BUILT jimmy johnson’s nascar car so that it’s so badass he can’t lose. how about some love for those people? i guarantee they’ve spent more long hours pouring over data, making adjustments and doing sciencey things that the rest of us can’t do.
why i’m really frustrated though is that this in addition to the ap athlete of the decade award to tiger woods accurately sums up america right now. nascar and home wreckers - we love ‘em, let’s reward them with popularity, millions of dollars and accolades all while watching our country undo itself from within. i’m moving abroad.
i have baby fever. there. i said it. for the first time in my life i have baby fever. bring it.
“
- a mother pregnant before even married
- a father who almost broke off the engagement
- parents who make their decisions based on angel dreams
- a cousin born of the elderly
- a birth in an animal barn
- adoration from astrologers
- a birth that prompts the murder of hundreds of other infants
the truth is this: Jesus experienced rough stuff before the age of five in ways you and i could never imagine. we consider Christ’s sufferings and we picture him at the age of thirty-three, but the beatings go all the way back to the birth canal.
” — mark steele, christianish
this is a really difficult post to post, but after talking this through with emily and lawrence i’ve agreed with them that this will be the best thing in time.
the following is a text dialogue between myself and tiger woods from a few years ago:
tiger: hey grrl, what you up to?
me: i’m a boy. who is this? how did you get this number?
tiger: i just pushed some numbers. are you hot? you sound hot.
me: well i’m a guy and i don’t even know you.
tiger: send me a sexy pic. now bi***.
me: what?
tiger: come on baby, just be cool. i’m tiger woods.
me: like tiger the famous golfer? no way. okay give me a sec.
this has been a really difficult season for all of us, especially for tiger. i’d like to ask the world to just give him a break because he’s a really good person and a super role model. this is all just a big misunderstanding. also i’m super thrilled that the ap gave tiger the athlete of the decade award. this is what the kids need to see right now: a hero who has worked hard to achieve success and gets rewarded with fancy awards regardless of his alleged performance enhancing drug abuse and his alleged 14 mistresses and alleged creepiness (wait that’s not alleged, he is creepy). wait didn’t we impeach someone for this?
top 2009 albums, in no particular order (i won’t put a bunch of fancy links and photos in here, but i will play fast and loose with the bold and italics).
jay-z - blueprint 3. top album of the year. listen to all of it.
aa bondy - when the devil’s loose. if you aren’t on to aa bondy yet, stop reading and correct the sadness of your life. correct it, ironically, with sad music.
pete yorn & scarlett johansson - break up. this album is as good as scarlett is unattainably beautiful. it’s as good as zooey deschanel is unattainably beautiful. sorry i’m getting off track here…seriously so great. listen to: relator.
passion pit - manners. guilty pleasure. no problem admitting it though. listen to: little secrets.
n.a.s.a. - spirit of apollo. great dj nonsense with guests like santogold, lykke li, kanye, the cool kids, karen o and more. great to run to at the gym. listen to: gifted (featuring kanye, santogold and lykke li).
doom - born like this. i don’t have too much to write about here, just a very solid effort from everyone’s favorite super villain-themed, masked rapper. listen to: gazillion ear.
the avett brothers - i and love and you. i love this band. this isn’t their best album, but solid enough to make this list. listen to: january wedding (sara’s favorite).
honorable mentions:
natalia lafourcade - hu hu hu (this would be on my list, but i already put one guilty pleasure)
lily allen - it’s not me, it’s you
mew - the one with the ridiculously long title
andrew bird - noble beast (this is a great album, but not as great as his usual)
surrogate - popular mechanics
what did you listen to this year? oh also the dark was the night compilation is incredible, it should get some praise here.
6 am - woke up and got ready for basketball.
7 am - basketball - i played decent, got in a good workout before anyone else woke up.
9 am - groceries.
9:30 am - got home, the garage door is broke. real broke. we’ve been nursing it for, oh, six years now, and it finally died. super died.
10:30 am - wow whoever is taking a shower is really taking forever. oh wait, that sound of rushing water is actually a broken water line, pouring water into my basement via the walls.
moral of the story: i should have slept in and woke up late like everyone else. at least then i would have been well rested for my three hours of soaking up water from the carpet whole drilling holes into the wall and ceiling to try and find the leak. i know you’re all really hoping for a huge rant right here, but i only like to rant about trivial, nonsensical, minutia that doesn’t mean anything. so this, but not tonight.