intelligent women everywhere are preparing to dumb themselves down tomorrow for part two of the twilight movies (or lady porn as i call it). whilst i don’t judge them, i am all too happy to mock and tease them since the large majority of the female twilight fans i know are educated, strong, independent and smart.
here’s an incomplete list of things i’d rather do than watch new moon tomorrow:
- clean bathrooms at a golden corral.
- run a half marathon (which is going well - up to 4 miles a day now).
- listen to tyra banks talk about herself. actually no. never mind.
- be a substitute teacher that has to teach sex education for the day to 8th graders.
- fly coach to new york with layovers in denver, dfw, kansas city, minneapolis, atlanta and dulles.
- be a ranch hand for a day.
- homework.
- read hardy boys mystery novels out loud at the mall to whomever would take pause to listen to america’s favorite problem solving brothers read in my awkward david sedaris reading voice.
- something involving country music, but i’m not sure. eat dinner at toby keith’s i love this bar and grill in “downtown” oklahoma city.
in the end though ladies i can’t hate. have you seen me geek up on soccer? i’ll take my real salt lake cup game on sunday any day over your lady porn. let’s just agree that everyone is different and your taste in books that are made into movies is bad.