1. 2 days ago 

   THE NEXT CHAPTER.

   everyone is asking what my next step is going to be now that i am not working (it’s not as fun as i thought: there’s way more errands than you think).

   so here is what’s next…drumroll…

   i am growing a beard.  at least for a few weeks.  if you know me you know that i am HORRIBLE at growing beards.  but i am also horrible at running and i’m getting better at that so now i am turning my unemployed attention toward beardmanship.  i am PUMPED.  thank you all for your prayers and advice.

   [non-transition]

   i am 32 today.  woke up so sore i could barely shower (first one in 5 days - yeah) and then went to my therapist.  isn’t that how every 32-year old celebrates their birthday?  i think it probably is.  thanks to all for the heart-felt and/or generic birthday wishes - i can honestly say that i have more great friends in my life at 32 than i did at 31 - i am blessed.  time now to go rub rogaine into my half-beard.

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2. 2 days ago 
   "to the sermon on the mount, i am listening…"
   - justin vernon
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3. 2 days ago 
   

   this is copper.  i am dog-sitting her this week.  this 16-pound bag of legs and ears requires the constant attention of 3-4 grown adults.  if you turn away even for a moment, say to watch the world series on your birthday or to take a sip of your adult beverage she will find the nearest part of your epidermis and chomp it with all her baby teeth.

    
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4. 5 days ago 

   unemployment. day one.

   i am debating between two options for day unemployment.

   option one: arrested development marathon.  not some halfway marathon.  all three seasons without stop.  go straight through - pee in jar, don’t leave the couch, that sort of thing.

   option two: read.  i need to finish nine stories (everyone who told me that it would help me unpack franny and zoey - well i’m just not seeing it).  after that probably the girl who played with fire or the quiet girl.  either way they’re both translated from scandanavian authors and good at fiction and i’ve been looking forward to both.

   either way i’ll be in sweatpants, hold my calls.

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5. 5 days ago 

   daylight savings.

   dear diary: i spent my extra hour late last night slashing all of lawrence’s tires and filling his car with dog poop i’ve been collecting from the neighborhood for the last 5 weeks as a “at-least-you-don’t-have-swine-flu” joke.  found out this morning that he actually probably does have swine flu.  get well soon buddy.

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6. 6 days ago 
   

   voodoo doughnuts in portland, oregon.  it’s hard to say that food can change your life, but here we are…

    
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7. 1 week ago 

   portland. oregon.

   mothers - very much a (prosciutto scramble)
   henry’s - b++
   clyde common - b+
   powell’s - super a
   stumptown - a
   bijou cafe - b (oyster scramble + pecan crumble = happy chad)
   voodoo donuts - a
   the living room - b (500 days of summer)
   cellar bar - b+
   ringlers - b
   deschutes - a
   life of riley - c (bros are lame)

   there is really nothing bad about portland.  my vote is to move here asap.  please don’t read too much into that - i’m really not moving here, but it does have all the things i love.

   tomorrow: open market and some sandwich place called bunks.  wish i had more time.  if i did though i’d be broke and overweight.

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8. 1 week ago 

   portland.

   portland.  oregon.  not maine.  great.  walking around in the misty drizzle with a bag of used books in hand.  i could do this for days and not get bored.  i haven’t been this happy in a really long time.  time to shower up and take the lady out.

   also never get in the security line at the airport behind a solider in fatigues.  he had pockets inside his pockets.  watching him empty out everything was marx brothers-esque.  also really slow.

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9. Notes: 1 / 1 week ago 

   lost coast.

   i have booked myself a cabin in the woods on the lost coast of northern california in the redwoods.  you all thought i was joking but i’m doing it.  i will sit and think.

   okay i will TRY to sit and think.

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10. 1 week ago 

    possible things i can do. instead of working.

    ideas for this next season of my unemployment…

    - follow andrew bird on tour around europe (impractical).
    - keep re-watching the austin city limits with andrew bird once a day for a month, pretending that i’m following him on tour around europe.
    - read a book a day for 30 days.
    - buy a HUGE t-shirt that says “biggest loser” on it and hang out at the gym trying to convince people i was on the show a few years ago and am available for motivational speaking engagements. 
    - get a job.
    - follow sara around whispering motivational advice to her while she counsels her patient (she only has one right now, where you at patients?!).
    - design a clothing line for tall gentlemen under the moniker: “hey! i’m up here.”
    - keep telling myself that a blog IS a job and this is how book publishers find promising new authors. 
    - create a better product than windows 7 while on the toilet. 
    - three words: golden girls marathon.

    if you can come up with better ideas, please share them.  i’m all ears.  also if you want to fly me your town i am also up for that pending it’s a direct flight.  let me know.

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